January 28, 2010
Sick. Feeling horrible today. Obviously Ive been neglectful in my writing. So headachy and gross today. Have to work two jobs tommorrow. One of them is training at this pretentious place. Not up for it. Feel sick but can't sleep. Ugh.
January 15, 2010
Wow. Today was difficult. Food obsessed all day long. I made Bee-Bop some gyoza and was salivating over it. Can't stop talking or thinking about food. Yikes. I better not break this fast soon or I have a feeling I'll be diving into a meatball sandwich (which sounds amazing right now). I saw Avatar in 3D. Mind boggling. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Still how badly did I want that popcorn covered in butter!
So it's been a rough one. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little easier with work tomorrow night and then just come home and go to bed. Hopefully the same with Saturday. Sundays are hard because I just want to eat and hang out with the family. This Sunday is going to be especially difficult because it is Bojan's birthday. It will also be Day 12 so maybe I'll be more detached from food. I need to focus on the thing of the spirit and all else will follow. I need to seek clarity, direction, and intimacy with the Lord and not weight loss and all will fall into place.
January 14, 2010
My skin is starting to look really clear. My parents have been commenting that my face looks so thin and I've noticed that my eyes are brighter and the skin around them more taught. I was hungry today. Today day 40 seemed a long ways away. I know I can do it though. I can hang in there. Also I know that if I only went the 10 days I'd be back to my starting size and bigger within a couple of weeks because I feel like gorging myself right now. I'm hoping that by day 40 I have more of a detachment towards food and also that I will be in the best shape of my life and so will therefore be motivated to stay that way.
January 13, 2010
I did the salt water flush today. Gagged again. It literally feels like you are choking on a wave. Lots of mucus came out today. I didn't sleep well last night because my stomach was grumbling after the enema and laxative tea. Today was the first day I didn't nap either. Felt pretty high energy despite all of that. Worked, went to the gym, and Barnes and Noble. Feeling anxiety about going back to New York. I want to be there but the ambition I feel is overwhelming.
Going to give it to God tonight and go to sleep.
Day 4, 5, 6
January 11, 2010
Wow I fell behind. I think I just fell asleep before I could write anything. Well the good news is that these last three days were far more tolerable than the first three days. By the evening of the 3rd day I was feeling much better. I haven't gone to the bathroom since then though so I'm feeling pretty toxic again now. I gave myself an enema when I came home from work. It wasn't too successful. I'm going to force myself to take the salt water again in the morning. I know it's horrible but it will get the toxins out and I'll be able to feel much better. Sunday was a bit of a drag because I just wanted to eat and drink and relax with Desi. I got called into work and made no $ and was pretty annoyed. Today was similar. I worked out with my Dad this morning. Walked for an hour at 4.0 and then did some stretching, a bit of yoga and pilates. Then went to work and had zero tolerance for poor tipping hillbillies. I'm going to meditate before I go to bed as I forgot to do so this morning. I'm going to work on having grace during this time. It's not a very spiritual fast if you are angry and cussing up a storm through it. Good night.
January 9, 2010
This morning I felt like someone threw a bag over me and beat me. I slept awfully and felt that I had to pee all night. I took the salt water and gagged. It came out slowly all day. However I felt much better by late afternoon. I began writing the letter I have been putting off for three months. That's one of the things that I love about fasting: You get stuff done that you've been putting off for ages. It's wonderful. You spend so much of your day eating, preparing to eat, shopping, cleaning up the dishes, etc that you save so much time with the Master Cleanse. Hopefully I can complete quite a few tasks while I am on this. I feel so much better now on the 3rd night than I have since I started. I'm so happy that I have not given into the temptation of coffee. That's a tough one, but would only make my body more acidic.
January 8, 2010
Ouch. I'm in such pain right now. Did a colon cleanse and now I'm cramping. Hard rock-like fecal matter came out. She said it was dehydrated from me holding on to it. That I shouldn't hold onto my emotions. I cried on the table. A lot of bile came out. Surprise surprise. Now I'm cramping really badly though and having pain in by low abdomen and left kidney. Was intensely fatigued all day. Don't think I drank enough water. Worked the day shift at my job and nearly went crazy with boredom it was so slow. Didn't drink coffee today though. That's an achievement. I weighed myself: 162lbs. Most ever in my adult life. It makes sense. This is the hardest thing that I've ever been through in my adult life. Was really dingy as well. It's hard to move. Asked a woman who was almost done with her hamburger if she wanted me to take that away or "are you still working on your computer." Called her hamburger a computer. Wow. Only day 2. This was a rough one. Worked out with my dad this morning. Walked at 4.0 for an hour. Sigh. Ouch. Goodnight.
Day 1 of 40 Day Fast.
January 7, 2010
Worked out with my dad this morning. Laid low the rest of the day. Worked tonight and so incredibly grateful that I didn't eat. Day one is always the justification day. It seems to be the day when "tomorrow" is a much better day to start the fast. So glad I didn't eat today. Going to sleep now. Just noticed that the last day of my 40 day fast will be Valentine's Day.... would that be ironic or poetic?
Also feel a burning pain in my back left shoulder blade. I think it's where they removed that mole. I'm going to have to get that checked out since Dr. Kim asked me to come back in the office and I'm not in NYC. I'll have to have someone here check it out.
Thank you, Lord. Day one done.